Sexual Mindfulness

The Truth About Keeping Passion Alive

How do you keep your sexual passion alive after you’ve been with your partner for 10, 20 or more years and have had sex thousands of times together? The answer is Sexual Mindfulness.

“The key is using sexual mindfulness to approach each erotic encounter with your partner as something new and fresh. Sexual mindfulness helps you adopt a Beginner’s Mind, the Buddhist term for looking at things as if you are experiencing them for the first time” (quote from Sexual Mindfulness).

In my new book, Sexual Mindfulness, I  provide a road map for achieving great sex with fun, easy to master exercises and information that guide you through my sexual mindfulness training program.

Get Your Copy of the Book published by Apocryphile Press for Just $19.95


Mindfulness is best described as nonjudgmental moment-by-moment awareness where you are fully engaged in the present moment with all five of your senses. All mindful sexual moments are (1) present centered, (2) non conceptual, (3) non-judgmental, and (4) non-verbal.

Let me give you a sexual example:

Imagine that you are having sex with your partner. If you were doing it mindfully here is what would be happening:

One hundred percent of your attention would be focused on your partner and your sexual environment. All of your senses would be involved in what is going on in the present moment.

Your thoughts would focus on the experience of making love with your partner. They would not drift to something that happened in the past or jump to what might happen in the future.

You wouldn’t try to figure anything out about your partner or your lovemaking or try to anticipate what would happen next. Instead of thinking about this you would simply notice and  accept what is going on in the present moment.

You wouldn’t judge or compare your partner or your lovemaking to some societal standard. You would enjoy and accept your partner and your lovemaking for what it is, not for what it could be or should be.

Lastly, you wouldn’t be discussing anything. Any messages you needed to communicate would be done by touch or a simple look or moan.

Imagine what you sex life would be like if you or your partner could approach each sexual experience in such a mindful way.

“I don’t care if you’ve been together for 5, 10, or 47 years like my wife and I have been, your lovemaking will never go stale if you can bring moment-by-moment mindfulness to each sexual encounter. Sexual mindfulness enables you to look at each sexual encounter with your partner as new and unique because you’ve learned that each moment in life is new and unique (quote from Sexual Mindfulness) .”

Book Table of Contents

Part 1: Let’s Talk About Sex

Chapter 1: Sex and Sexual Identity 

  • What is Sex?
  • Your Sexual Identity.

Chapter 2: How Your Mind Thinks About Sex

  • Your mind is a 24/7 sexual thinking and feeling machine.

Chapter 3: Your Biological Sex/Gender

  • The influence of biology (genetics, hormones etc.) on your sexuality.

Chapter 4: Your Gender Identity and Gender Role

  • What it means to you to to be boy/girl, man/woman, both/neither.

Chapter 5: Your Sexual Preference/Orientation

  • Your adult, free choice of sex partners.

Chapter 6: Your Sexual Behavior

  • Your sexual acts, relationships, frequency.

Chapter 7: Your Sexual Response

  • From desire to satisfaction;  how your body and mind connect during sexual response.

Part 2: Becoming More Mindful

Chapter 8: A Deep Dive Into Mindfulness

  • Mindfulness defined.

Chapter 9: Formal Mindfulness Training; A Three Step Process. 

  • Diaphragmatic breathing.
  • Breath meditation.
  • Mindfulness meditation.

Chapter 10: Informal Mindfulness Training 

  • Becoming more aware of your sexual thoughts, feelings, and self-talk.
  • Becoming more aware of your sexual behavior, and sexual environment.

Part 3: Sexual Mindfulness

Chapter 11: Sexual Values and Mindfulness

  • Clarifying your sexual values.

Chapter 12: Sexual Acceptance and Commitment

  • Accepting what you can and cannot change.
  • Commitment is the action part of acceptance.

Chapter 13:  Building Mindful Sexual Relationships

  • Building grace and gratitude.
  • Communicating more effectively.

Chapter 14: Mindful Foot Massage

Chapter 15: Mindful Back Massage

Chapter 16: Mindful Masturbation 

  • For her and him.

Chapter 17: Mindful Oral Sex

  • For him and her.

Chapter 18: Sexual Intercourse as a Gourmet Meal


Reference List

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Excerpts From the Book

Chapter 1: Let’s Talk About Sex and Your Sexual Identity

Before we jump into discussing sexual mindfulness we need to answer the question, “What is sex?” You’re probably wondering why I even need to ask the question because everyone knows what sex is, right? Well, maybe.

Sex can mean many different things to different people. Still not convinced? Let me just share a little story that dates all the way back to 1998.

On 1/16/98 President Bill Clinton infamously told the nation, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” while at the same time admitting that the stains on her blue dress were there because she had performed oral sex on him in his office.  At the time I was 47 years old and my first reaction to his quote was , “yeah, sure, so how do you explain the stains on her dress?” After thinking it over for a while I began to wonder if he really didn’t think that oral sex was sex.

Chapter 2: How Your Mind Thinks About Sex

In order to practice sexual mindfulness, you need to understand how your brain and mind think The best analogy I can think of to explain the relationship between your brain and your mind is the relationship between your computer and the software it runs. Your brain is similar to the computer. It is the structure that houses the software and makes it run. Your mind is like your computer’s software. Just like your computer houses several different programs so does your mind.

While your computer might have a word processing program, a photo and video viewing program, an internet gateway program and several others, your mind has its’ own programs. Your mind’s “programs” are your thoughts, feelings, self-talk and mental images.

The other key similarity between your brain/mind and your computer/software is the ability of your mind and your computer to run several programs simultaneously. At any given time your computer is running its’ operating system, virus checker, email, etc. Your mind does the same thing. It simultaneously thinks, feels, and responds to external stimuli such as sights, sounds, smells etc. when you are in a sexual situation. Not only can your computer and your brain run these programs simultaneously, they are capable of running them non-stop 24/7 every day.  In other words, your mind is a non-stop 24/7 thinking and feeling machine. And people wonder why we think about sex so much???

Chapter 8: Sexual Response

If you ask the average person which body part is most important regarding their sexual response, they’ll probably say, the penis or the vagina or something else related to their genitals. Most of us equate sexual response to genital functioning, something that goes on between our legs. In fact, the most important body part involved in your sexual response is located between your ears.

Your brain, not your genitals, is the seat of your sexual response. Sexual response begins and ends in your mind. Sexual response is a complex interaction of psychological and physiological factors that starts in your brain and spreads through ­the rest of your body, including your genitals.

Your sexual response starts with your mind’s perception of desire and ends with a sense of satisfaction or disappointment. It involves thoughts about yourself, your partner, and the specific context in which your potential sexual encounter occurs.  In other words three variables are involved; you, your partner, and the time and place of the encounter.

Chapter 18: Sex as a Gourmet Meal

More mindful, enjoyable sex is not some fantasy or sexual lifestyle beyond your reach. It has nothing to do with age, beauty, penis or breast size or other physical attributes, lingerie,  jewelry, perfume, make-up, or any of the variables society equates with great sex.  Ordinary people can have extraordinary sex with the same partner for years and years if they approach each experience with grace and gratitude and a beginner’s mind.

The following fun exercise can help you view sex differently. The purpose of this activity is to start to slow down and savor the process of lovemaking as much as the outcome.  It helps you view sex as more of a multi-course gourmet meal. With each course the couple anticipates something special, a unique taste delight.

Exercise # 24:   Sex as a Gourmet Meal                                                                         


1. Set aside one full hour of uninterrupted time for this activity.

2. Think of this one-hour lovemaking session as a gourmet meal.

  • Take your time with each course; savor it and do not rush.
  • Don’t look at having an orgasm as the objective.
  • Don’t even think beyond the course you are involved in and your actions, and those of your partner.

3. For course number one just relax in bed eating and drinking.

  • Don’t get drunk or eat too much.
  • The idea is to have a sensual snack.
  • Think of this as a prelude to your lovemaking.

4. Give your partner a massage for a few minutes.

  • Have your partner choose which type of massage.
  • Take your time, use oil or powder, and be mindful of what is going on in your hands and body, your partner’s body, and the bedroom environment.
  • Continue this for as long as you wish and then switch and have your partner massage you.

5. Now shift your attention to your partner’s vulva or penis and get into position to give your partner oral sex for a while. Relax and take your time.

  • Notice the sights, sounds, tastes, touch, and smell of giving your partner oral sex.
  • Ask your partner if there is anything they would like you to do to enhance the experience for them.

6. Now switch and let your partner give you oral sex for a while.

  • Notice the sights, sounds, tastes, touch, and smell of your partner giving you oral sex.
  • Tell your partner if there is anything you would like them to do to enhance the experience for you.

7. If you both desire it, get into position and give each-other oral sex for a while.

  • Notice the sights, sounds, tastes, touch, and smell of giving and receiving oral sex.
  • Tell your partner if there is anything you would like them to do to enhance the experience for you.

8. Take a break and grab a sip of wine and a piece of fruit.

9. Feed your partner for a while and express your appreciation for such a wonderful love-making session.

10. Now shift your focus to sexual intercourse and ask your partner how they want to be entered or enter you.

11. After a while change intercourse positions. I recommend finishing with one that your partner is most likely to achieve orgasm with.

12. Continue in this position until your partner comes.

13. If you haven’t come and want to, tell your partner what you will need in order to come.

14. Remember, you can have great sex even if you don’t have an orgasm so this is your choice.

15. After you either have an orgasm or decide to stop having intercourse, don’t pull out or have your partner pull out immediately.

About the Publisher

Sexual Mindfulness is being published by Apocryphile Press, purveyors of unique, popular books, attractively packaged and reasonably priced.  We are distributed by Ingram, the largest book distribution company in the US, and perhaps the world. All AP titles are available on anywhere in the world and through many other online vendors.

Get Your Copy of the Book Now for Just $19.95 by
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Thanks for your support,

Dr Rich



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