Help Your Sex Coaching Clients Get Unstuck with Sexual Mindfulness

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In a recent post I discussed how to help clients get unstuck using the six components of psychological flexibility.

In this post I want to focus on what Mindfulness means and how it can help your clients getting unstuck from being in a sexual rut.

Mindfulness is best described as moment-by-moment awareness. There are four dimensions of mindful moments. All mindful moments are:

  • present centered
  • non-conceptual
  • non-judgmental
  • non-verbal

Mindful moments present centered and always focus on the present, never the past or the future. Most of your clients’ thoughts are one step removed from the present moment because they focus on the past or future.

Mindful moments always exist in the present space and time, a context often referred to as the “here and now.” Mindfulness revolves around being fully involved in the here and now.

Mindful moments are non-conceptual because during them you merely note the occurrence of something and accept it for what it is. They are not thinking moments where clients try to figure something out, make judgments, or solve problems

Lastly, mindful moments are non-verbal. They do not involve talking. Speaking involves another layer of cognitive activity that takes clients out of the present moment.

Let me give you a sexual example.

 

 

Imagine that you are making love with your partner. If you were doing it mindfully her is what would be going on:

Present Centered  – You would be fully attentive to what is going on with your partner.  This means experiencing your partner with all five senses. Your thoughts would only focus on what is going on with your two bodies as you make love. Your thoughts would not drift to something that happened yesterday or will happen tomorrow.

Non Judgmental – You would not be judging or comparing your partner and your lovemaking to anything.  You would enjoy and accept your partner and your lovemaking for what it was, not for what it could or should be according to some societal standard.

Non-Verbal – You don’t need to say anything. Your body and your spirit will say anything that needs to be communicated.

Non- Conceptual- Instead of thinking about why things are going the way you are you simply note what is going on and enjoy it. You don’t try to figure out or anticipate anything, just accept it for what it is and allow it to play out however it will.

Imagine what your clients’ sex lives would be like if they could approach each sexual experience in such a mindful way.

Mindfulness Training

Mindfulness training can greatly enhance clients’ ability to experience sexual pleasure and eroticism through all five of their senses. By slowing down and integrating all of their senses into their daily experiences, they set the stage for doing the same thing in the bedroom. There are two types of mindfulness training, formal and informal.

 

 

Formal mindfulness training revolves around a structured program of daily practice of mindfulness meditation. These sessions are added to the ongoing  informal mindfulness training. Clients begin by meditating for a few minutes to start each coaching session. In addition to pre-session practice they begin to meditate at home three to four times a week. After a couple of weeks they increase the duration of their sessions by five minutes and repeat this until they can meditate for 20-30 minutes at a time. The goal is to get them to be able to meditate for 20 minutes 3-4 times a week.

Informal mindfulness training involves becoming more mindful of everyday living using simple attention-building activities.  Informal mindfulness training focuses on helping clients (1) becoming more mindful of their internal environments (thoughts, personal scripts, mental images, and emotions), and (2) become more aware of their external environments (behavior and immediate physical surroundings).

 

 

The goal of informal mindfulness training is to help clients notice and accept their lives and the beauty of the world around them. Informal mindfulness training helps clients develop a “beginner’s mind”, a mindset based on openness to new experiences without pre-judgment. Having a beginner’s mind and being fully attentive to the present moment enables clients in long-term sexual relationships to embrace each sexual encounter with their partners as something new and different.

Find out more about Mindfulness and other AC Coaching Principles and Practices

My new training course, Acceptance and Commitment (AC ) Coaching: Sexual Relationship Coaching for Committed Couples has been approved for 10 CEU Coaching Credits by CCE, the nation’s premiere coach credentialing organization.

Find out more by getting a copy of my Free Training Session; This 30 minute training session         (a $79.00 value) introduces my Acceptance and Commitment (AC ) Coaching: Sexual Relationship Coaching for Committed Couples course and is yours free for the asking.

Click Here to Obtain Your Copy of Your Training Session

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  1. Getting Unstuck with Sexual Acceptance | Dr. Rich Blonna - […] previous post I discussed the value of Mindfulness to help your clients get unstuck from sexual ruts. Acceptance builds…
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