Help Your Sex Coaching Clients Get Unstuck With Valued Sexual Living

Posted by in Coaching Training, Sex CEU Course | Comments Off on Help Your Sex Coaching Clients Get Unstuck With Valued Sexual Living

In a recent post I discussed how to get unstuck using Acceptance, a core AC Coaching practice. In this post I want to focus on another core AC Coaching practice Valued Sexual Living, and how it relates to clients getting stuck on a sexual rut.

What Are Values?

Values are like the North Star. They are guiding lights that serve as sign posts for the direction your clients want their lives to take. Clients have values related to many different aspects of their lives including their sexuality.

Clients’ sexual values are intimately related to their sexual and relationship goals. The clearer clients are in what they value about sex and  relationships, the easier it is for them to set values-based goals and commit to them. I’ll talk more about Commitment in my next blog post.

 

 

There are two types of values, core and satellite. Core sexual values are the things that are central to your clients’ sexual identities and are non-negotiable. Surrounding these core values are lesser-held satellite sexual values that clients hold dear but are not as strongly committed to. These satellite values are important but are considered negotiable. Satellite sexual values are more amenable to compromise and change than core sexual values. Core and satellite sexual values are very subjective. One client’s core sexual values are another’s satellite values and vice versa.

Clients have core and satellite values related to every aspect of their sexual identities:

  • biological sex    
  • gender identity
  • gender role
  • sexual orientation
  • sexual behavior 

 

As discussed in an earlier blog, sexual identity and the values associated with it are fluid and change over the course of your clients’ sexual life-cycles as a result of being exposed to new ideas, new people, and new circumstances.

Most of my clients haven’t spent much time formally examining their sexual values until they begin working with me. They’ve  accepted the sexual values instilled in them by their parents and their culture and generally don’t question them until they are transitioning from one type of relationship to another (being in a committed relationship to being single or vice versa etc.) or from one stage of life to the next  (parent to empty nester, etc).

During these transitions many clients find that some of the sexual values that guided them in their previous type of relationship or stage of life don’t work very well in their new relationships and roles. For example, many of my more traditional female clients who have viewed themselves as “moms,” “wives” or “grandmothers” find that some of the sexual values they associated with these gender roles no longer guide them as they re-enter the workforce, return to school, or enter into new romantic relationships. In essence, their gender role values have become outdated and unhelpful as their lives have changed.

 

 

Getting Unstuck and Becoming More Flexible Through Valued Sexual Living

Most clients who are stuck because of values-related issues either do not realize that their values have changed or are unwilling to admit it because they lack the psychological flexibility necessary to deal with the consequences of admitting this. Clients can increase their psychological flexibility, get unstuck, and make progress towards meeting their sexual goals by using Valued Living, another core AC Coaching technique.

In essence, Valued Sexual Living is a deliberate attempt for clients to align their sexual identities with their values. In other words clients begin to act intentionally so their sexual behavior matches their sexual values (personal and relationship).  The goal is to minimize game playing and maximize being true to their sexual identities. This helps clients get unstuck from whatever sexual ruts they have gotten stuck in over the years.

Valued Sexual living is a four-step process that involves having clients explore, rank, choose, and act  on their sexual values. AC Coaches use simple activities both in-session and as homework to help clients work through this four-step process.

  1. Exploring Values—During the first step clients explore their sexual and relationship values and take advantage of opportunities to affirm them publicly. Clients examine values related to all five aspects of their sexual identities (biological sex, gender identity etc.). After they finish that they sort them by core and satellite values.
  2. Ranking Values –  This step involves  sorting through all of the sexual values uncovered during the exploring step. It separates core and satellite values and ranks them in terms of their importance.
  3. Choosing Values— After exploring and ranking their sexual values, clients decide which values are  are unhelpful and contributing to them being stuck in a sexual rut. They are given permission to discard any of their sexual values that have become outdated and unhelpful.
  4. Acting on Values—The forth and final step involves taking action that is consistent with their values. This is referred to by AC Coaching as taking values-congruent behavior.

This is a very time-intensive process because it involves looking at all five dimensions of their sexual identities and examining the values associated with them. Once clients have gone through the four steps they are ready to develop values-based sexual goals for themselves and their relationships. I will talk about this in great detail in my next blog on Commitment.

Find out more about Valued Living and other AC Coaching Principles and Practices

My new training course, Acceptance and Commitment (AC ) Coaching: Sexual Relationship Coaching for Committed Couples has been approved for 10 CEU Coaching Credits by CCE, the nation’s premiere coach credentialing organization.

Find out more by getting a copy of my Free Training Session; This 30 minute training session         (a $79.00 value) introduces my Acceptance and Commitment (AC ) Coaching: Sexual Relationship Coaching for Committed Couples course and is yours free for the asking.

Click Here to Obtain Your Copy of Your Training Session

 

 

No Comments

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Help Your Sex Coaching Clients get Unstuck by Using Commitment | Dr. Rich Blonna - […] a recent post I discussed what values are and how Valued Sexual Living can help your clients develop greater…
FREE REPORT

FREE REPORT

My free report will show you how to relax your muscles, calm your runaway mind, and get more energy and time to live a life filled with passion and purpose.

Thank you! We've added you to the mailing lists you selected.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This