Sexual Mindfulness Book: Ch. 4 Gender Role

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Here is a little taste from Ch 4; Your Gender Role.

Your gender role is the flip side of your gender identity. It is the external portrayal of how you behave as a man, woman, both, or neither. In other words your gender identity is how you see yourself, while your gender role is how you act .

For most people their biological sex, gender identity, and gender role are congruent, that is they match. For example, most biological males identify as men and behave in very traditional masculine ways and most biological females identify as women and behave in very traditional ways.

By traditional I mean the expected roles for men and women that have been passed down through the culture and society over many generations. As I discussed in chapter four, these gender role expectations start at birth with the assignment of gender identity and continue throughout your life.

While the majority of men and women accept these traditional gender roles without question, many others do not. Many biological males and females view themselves as men and women and don’t question their gender, they just don’t identify as traditional men and women. They don’t want to be trapped in very traditional gender roles that do not match how they see themselves as men and women. This is different from transgender men and women who don’t accept their biological sex and feel that they are trapped in the wrong bodies.

However, like transgender folks, these non-traditional men and women often have been harassed and bullied all of their lives for being different from their peers. Maybe it was because of the way they dressed or acted, or the toys they played with, or the friends they hung out with. They were just different and got punished for that. Often, they bring this lifetime of pain and suffering with them into their adult sexual relationships.

I firmly believe that there is no right or wrong gender role. People should act in ways that mesh with how they see themselves and not according to how others want them to behave.

In the rest of chapter five I’ll give you the information and tools you need to become more mindful of your thoughts, feelings, self-talk, and mental images related to your gender role and how it contributes to your sexuality and your sexual satisfaction.


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Sexual Mindfulness is being published by Apocryphile Press, purveyors of unique, popular books, attractively packaged and reasonably priced.  We are distributed by Ingram, the largest book distribution company in the US, and perhaps the world. All AP titles are available on anywhere in the world and through many other online vendors.

Thanks for your support,

Dr Rich



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