Sexual Mindfulness Program: Mindful Oral Sex

Dr Rich Blonna - Your Guide To Less Stress and Better Sex

Written By Dr. Rich

For more than 30 years, I have devoted myself, both professionally and personally, to helping people just like you stress less, have better sex, and enjoy life more.

Learn more about Dr. Rich

I am a university professor, author, and a world-renowned expert in how the mind and body work together in creating and managing stress. I’m proud to be one of the creators of Acceptance and Commitment (AC) Coaching, an exciting form of cognitive psychology that combines mindfulness, acceptance, and commitment to help people stress less and enjoy better sex and a more fulfilling life. I’m certified in Naikan and Morita, two forms of Japanese psychology that emphasize mindfulness and acceptance training respectively. I’m also a Board Certified Coach (BCC), National Certified Counselor (NCC), and Certified Health Education Specialist (CHES). My eclectic approach combines the best practices from all of these disciplines. I’ve helped thousands of people from the United States, Europe, South Africa, and Asia through my books, audios, and adult training courses. My home is in Marco Island, Florida where I live with Heidi, my wife of 48 years. I love writing, tennis, running, kayaking, swimming, biking, weight training, meditation on the beach, and anything that gets me outdoors in the sun.

August 8, 2022

 

Here is a little taste from the section on Mindful Oral Sex in my new Sexual Mindfulness Program….

 

I just wanted to give you a heads-up that the instructions for mindful oral sex are very graphic. The activity involves using very sexually explicit instructions to help you experience oral sex with all five of your senses. Because of the explicit nature of the activity I want you to make sure you read the instructions completely before doing it with your partner.

Don’t worry if you feel uncomfortable doing this activity; remember, part of sexual mindfulness is learning how to co-exist with your troubling thoughts and painful emotions as you strive to meet your sexual relationship goals.

 

You are probably already familiar with oral sex. I cover this subject in detail in my college textbook, Healthy Sexuality. In this section of the course I am not trying to teach you how to perform oral sex but rather how to do it mindfully. After a few minutes into the activity you’ll see what I mean.

 

Couples sometimes get stuck in a sexual rut because they shift their focus off of the couple and onto the individual. He feels angry because his needs are not being met or she feels angry because she isn’t getting  enough sexual attention. The mindful oral sex activity shifts the focus off of yourself and onto your partner. It also introduces oral sex into your relationship in a very non-threatening way.

Going down on your partner is a selfless act that can substitute for intercourse on those occasions where one partner is not in the mood for sex but still wants to please the other. The activity includes  instructions for both men and women

Here is a little sample from the instructions I go over in the chapter. I am jumping in about a quarter of the way into the massage instructions.

  1. Lie down next to your partner on the bed so you can face her as you give her oral sex.
  2. Spend a few moments just noticing your partner’s vulva.
  3. Get close and examine her pubic area, vaginal lips, perineum (the area between her vaginal and anal openings.)
  4. Carefully part her vaginal lips and examine her clitoris.
  5. Imagine that you are a scientist taking notes about the size, shape, color, and texture of your partner’s vulva.
  6. PAUSE A FEW SECONDS… good
  7. Now close your eyes and examine your partner’s vulva using your senses of touch, smell, and taste.
  8. Use your nose, cheeks, face, head, and hair to examine your partner’s vulva.
  9. PAUSE A FEW SECONDS… good
  10. Now take a quick taste. You just washed your partner’s vulva so it is clean. Suck or lick any part of your partner’s vulva and get a taste of what is to come.
  11. Notice your thoughts, self talk, mental images, and emotions about experiencing your partner’s vulva with all five of your senses.
  12. If your mind wanders into the future or the past or fills with unhelpful thoughts and feelings note that this is happening and say to yourself;
  13. “There goes my runaway mind again, taking me out of the present moment” and focus on your partner’s vulva.

 

Sound interesting?

 

Find Out More About My Sexual Mindfulness Program

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