Here is a little taste from the section on Sexual Orientation in my new Sexual Mindfulness Program….
In this section of the program we’ll explore your sexual preference also known as your sexual orientation. Once again the terms are used synonymously.
I prefer the term sexual orientation because I feel that it encompasses the term sexual preference.
Your sexual orientation is your adult, free choice, of sexual partners.
- I use the qualifier, “adult”, because it is not unusual for people to experiment with same and opposite sex partners in childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood.
- By adulthood people have gone through puberty and have had the time and opportunity to make an informed choice about the kinds of partners they desire and prefer to have sex with.
- I use the qualifying term “free choice” because it eliminates sexual experiences that were forced, or occurred while incarcerated or in any other situation where free choice was curtailed.
As an example, I have worked with many men who were incarcerated and had sex with other men while in jail. Many felt that as long as they were the insertive partner they were straight even though they were putting their penises into other men’s mouths or anuses. They reported that as long as they still desired women and were the insertive partner in their jail sex with men, they were still heterosexual.
In all of my sexuality books I state that I strongly believe that there is no inherently right or wrong, or good or bad sexual orientation.
I’ve read hundreds of studies concerning why people are drawn to same or opposite or both gender sex partners and there is no conclusive scientific evidence that links sexual orientation to hormones, parenting styles, dominant fathers etc.
To be honest, I couldn’t care less.
As with other preferences (food , career, political etc.) you are drawn to your sexual partners because they appeal to you and spark your sexual desire. No one knows for sure why this is so. Why should we even care?
My only concern is how your thoughts, feelings, self talk, and mental images about your sexual orientation impacts your persona and relationship sexual satisfaction.
In this section of my program you’ll use simple exercises to become more mindful of this information and how it affects your sexual satisfaction.